The ultimate goal of a writer is to use his words as a paintbrush to paint vivid pictures for the reader. They can be pictures of a character, a scene that's unfolding, or a special place in the story. These images are the basis for the movies that we create in our minds as we read.
Here is an excerpt from Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah where the author creates a vivid picture of one of the characters, Anya:
"Meredith saw the mess grief had made of her mother's beautiful face: it had sucked in her cheeks and made her bones appear more prominent; it had drawn the color from her skin until her flesh nearly matched her hair. Only her eyes-startlingly blue against all that pallor- held any semblance of who she'd been a month ago."
Now find an excerpt from your book where the author paints a vivid picture for the reader. Make sure you give credit for the work by mentioning the title of your book and the author!
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From American Shaolin by Matthew Polly:
"Coach Yan had the perfect face for a kungfu movie villain, a kind of striking ugliness. His eyebrows slashed upward, his cheekbones punched out from his face, and his dark skin was pocked with acne scars. I liked him. But I was careful around him." p. 5
Yes, Jack, I think I'd be careful around someone like him too!
From Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen
"Cole was laying in the mud after just being mauled. He sees the spirit bear walking toward him.The bears stricking white hair,baby blue eyes,and large complexion scared Cole. Even though the bear was beautiful after getting mauled i would have been scared too.
In: The Midnight Fox by Betsy Byars
"Her steps as she crossed the field were lighter and quicker than a cat's. As she came closer I could see that her black fur was tipped with white. It was as if it were midnight and the moon were shning on her fur, frosting it. The wind parted her fur as it changed directions. Suddenly she stopped." Page 46
From Stormbreaker by Anthony Horowitz:
Herod Sayle was short. He was so short that Alex's first impression was that he was looking at a reflection that had been somehow distorted. In his immaculate and expensive black suit with gold signet ring and brightly polished black shoes.
I am going to stop there but it goes on for another half page.
That's an awesome description of the fox - wow!
I love the line, "It was as if midnight and the moon were shining on her fur, frosting it."
I'm sure with description like that, Jared, you had no problem visualizing Herod Sayle!
Well Greg, scared doesn't even come close to how I would feel!
In the book Ship of Fire.Written by Michael Cadnum
"Thomas was watching the ship in awe as a fifty foot ship came sailing towards him. The scary thing was the ship was on fire.It came blazing towards them. They were so lucky not to get hit by the burning ship. If I was in Thomas's shoes I would have beenso nervouse. Thomas did not even move. I thought that was so scary.
I would have been nervous too! That would be a very scary thing!
The truth about forever By Sarah Dessen
"I just stood there. As I watched my helpless father take the last few short breaths of his life. As his heart stopped pumping a fountian of tears busted through my eyelids and ran down my rosey red cheek."
From The Son Of Neptune by Rick Riordan
The attic was full of weapons. His family had collected enough ancient armaments to supply an army. Sheilds, spears,and quivers of arrows hung along one wall-almost as many as in the Camp Jupiter armory. At the back window, scorpion crossbow was mounted and loaded, ready for action. At the front window stood something that looked like a machine gun with a cluster of barrels.
If i were the attackers I would be a little intimadated
Marshmallow Muscles, Banana Brainstorm - Karen T. Taha
uncle harley had muscles as big as as most elephants are fat compared to pitt's scrawney snake like arms.
page. 8
In the Forests of the Night. By Amelia Atwater- Rhodes
"Aubrey was dressed differently then when I had last seen him, and could no longer mistaken for a normal human. He had a green viper painted on his left hand, and was wearing a fine gold chain around his neck with a gold cross suspended from it. The cross was strung on the chain upside down.
He held his knife in his left hand. The silver was clean, sharp, and so very deadly, just like his pearl white viper fangs, which were, for the moment, hidden.
That's a hilarious description! I couldn't help but laugh! I hope the rest of the book was just as entertaining!
From A Tale Dark & Grimm by Adam Gidwitz
"The huntsmen dug their knifes into the beast's skin just below the jaw and began to run their blades between the fur and flesh. Their hunting knives shone red as clumps of meat and animal hair stuck to their blades. The lords and ladies watched with disgusted amusement. The duke giggled with glee. Who else would have the hide and head of such a monster?
From Gym Candy by Carl Deuker
"That's when I felt the turf slipping out from under me. It was like being in a nightmare and wanting to scream but not being able to. I could feel myself going down, feel the ground rushing up at me. At the last instant, I reached the ball forward, trying to stretch over the goal line. I had to break the plane. I had to.
And then I was down. I looked at the ball, looked at my hands sretched out as far as I could reach.
I was twelve inches short.
From Brian's Return by Gary Paulsen
He was an older man-Brian guessed at least fifty-with a lined face darkened by smoked and weather. Perhaps he was from a native people. His face showed that he'd been in the woods a very long time. He had on worn moccasins, faded work pants and a work shirt buttoned
up to the collar and buttoned at the cuffs. Everything, like his canoe, was old but in good repair. The shirt had been patched several times, the patches sewn neatly by hand with small stitches. His hands looked as if they were made of old polished wood.
In Blood Gold by Micheal Cadnum
William is so scared. All he sees in the cave is some body parts and a fat anaconda. The anaconda looked like it had just ate something. The last thing he remembers is Ben his best friend in the cave. To me that was the climax in the book. That part in the book had me on the edge of my seat.
Fifteen By:Beverly Cleary
"His was even more attracted than Jane remembered. His greenish eyes and the dip in his hair were the same, but he was wearing gray flannel slacks, a white sport shirt, and a green sweater-not cashmere-, but a good looking wool."
Sounds like a keeper to me!
From Lover Unbound by J.R. Ward
"While the blood was drawn, Jane did a quick preliminary examination. The gunshot wound was a tidy little hole right next to some kind of scarification on his pectoral. A rivulet of blood was all that showed externally, giving little hint of whatever mess was inside. The knife wound was much the same. Not much surface drama. She hoped his intestines hadn't been nicked."
Whew! Kind of gory, huh?
In The Forbidden Forest By Michael Cadnum.
There was Little John laying there in the mud. He wished so much that he would have heard the warning horn. Now he has to deal with his little brother dead from a gunshot and it was all his fault. That part of the book to me was so unpredictable i wasn't expecting that at all.
Not to mention how sad it was!
Mrs. H
From Frost Wolf by Kathryn Lasky
Now! Faolan signaled silently with a flick of his ears. He split off from Edme heading upwind. Edme tore through the blizzard at such a speed that she left a wake in the wind driven snow, a narrow path that seemed fragrant with the smell of meat.
Wow! That's quite a description! I can certainly see the scene!
From VIETNAM BOOK ONE I PLEDGE
ALLEGIANGE by Chris Lynch
And it is relentles. Boom! B-B-B-B-B-BOOOm! B-B-B-B-B-B-BOOM! It's like a machine gun, only a million times the power, the sound, the size. Everything is faster and bigger and louder. Guys are shouting all over the place- it's chaos.
from you cant scare me by r.l.stine
it was a dark and stormy night with cold brisk air brushing his face.there was a fog thicker than a steak from texas road house
From Is it Night or Day? By Fern Schumer Chapman
"Tears spotted the new red cotton blouse that Mutti had made me. Julius touched the embroidered flowers on my blouse as he gently placed his arm around my shoulder. I let out a deep breath. He had his own smell, a mixture of sweat and soap. In that moment, I felt something I had never known
before--comfort and thrill at the same time."
It sounds chaotic and scary, Andrew!
Great use of figurative language, right, Matthew?
That certainly makes me want to read more, Jasmin!
From the Whisper by Emma Clayton:
"A gold ghost dog, an elegant greyhound with a wake of golden light." I thought Awen the ghost dog looked more like a golden retriever because they never said before that he is a greyhound, and this quite surprised me.
The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
"The man was dressed in a uniform that had been blue,but was now faded to a sad shade of green.The eyes that were staring at Henry had changed to a dull color,like the side of a fish.The mouth was open. Its once red lips had changed to terrible yellow."
That would surprise me too, Jack!
That's not a very pretty picture, is it, Joseph? War is terrible!
Catching Fire By; Suzanne Collins.
"I stormed through the front door and marched up the steps. I'm not sure why I was suprised to see Haymitch drunk on the table, but i was. I grabbed a bucket of water and threw it on. He awoke with a jerk. 'What on earth were you thinking?'"
So, Lauryn, is the second book in the Hunger Games trilogy as good as the first?
The Hunger Games: Suzanne Collins
"The small one with the red coat and amber eyes... Foxface! And there, the ashen hair and hazel eyes of the boy from District 9 who died as we struggled for the backpack! And worst of all, the smallest mutt, with dark glossy fur, huge brown eyes and a collar that reads 11 in woven straw. Teeth bared in hatred. Rue...
That's a pretty vivid description, Jasmin!
From The Outcasts by John Flanagan
Just want to explain Mikkel has just been hit with a spear. He let go a small cry and fell to his knees,then crumpled sideways. Horrified,Thorn dropped to the ground beside his friend,seeing the pallor of Mikkel's face as the life drained from his body. "Sword ...," Mikkel gasped.
From the book Chasing Lincolns Killer. By: James Swanson. All you could see was blood coming out of the back of Lincolns head. They rushed him to the Petersons house, up the stairs, and in the bedroom. they looked for the place were the bullet entered his head but they could not find it. To me that is very vivid and I just cant imagine what that would feel like.
From:Rangers Apprentice By:john Flanagan.
Will could see the Khalkaras blood red eyes, wax like fur, and long bear like arms stalking him. It was trying to sniff him out so it could kill him. He had sweat running down his face from his scaredness. If I was Will i would be so scared that words would not be able to describe it.
Is a Khalkaras human or animal? Sounds terrifying!
We Were Heroes:The Journal of Scott Pendleton Collins
"As we get closer to our target, stumbling in the early darkness to someplace named St.Lo, the air gets heavy with the mist and stink of the fighting. The sun catches wisps of smoke rising from the fires where the shells were hitting. It look almost beautiful."
From Swindle by Gordon Korman
"S. Wendell Palomino was short, stocky, and surprisingly young -- in his mid thirties, Griffin guessed, not nearly as ancient as Tom Dufferin. His curly hair almost (but not quite) fit underneath a New York Rangers cap. Thick glasses made his eyes appear twice their size, like two eggs, sunny side up."
From The Hunger Games by Suzzane Collins
A boy, i think from district 9 reaches the pack at the same time i do and for a brief time we grapple for it and then he coughs splattering my face with blood. I stagger back repulsed by the warm sticky spray. Then the boy slips to the ground.That's when i see the knife in his back.
i can just see her spring back in surprise when the blood gets coughed in her face
From The Underdogs by Mike Lupica
"He came down at the one yard line. Hit the ground and heard the refs whistle as soon as he did, telling everbody at Shea that the game was over, that the bulldogs had come up one touchdown short of Castle Rock. One yard short." page 168
From Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
"It's not the water I mind, but the mirror that reflects my naked fire-mutt body. The skin grafts still retain a newborn-baby pinkness. The skin deemed damaged but salvageable looks red, hot, and melted in places. Patches of my former self gleam white and pale. I'm like a bizarre patchwork quilt of skin. Parts of my hair were singed off completely; the rest has been chopped off at odd lengths. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire.
In Bloody Times by Michale Cadnum. Jefferson Davis was just getting off of a train after a weeks long travel. He was dirty, underfed, tired, and really cold. He was in Georgia and none of the southerners wanted him in there homes. If I was Jefferson Davis I would have given up the war right then.
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